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notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-02 08:00 am
I love my family a lot, but I like teasing them just as much. My parents decided that they would wait till my younger brother and sister, who are about 5-6 years old, are a little older before introducing them to fantasy creatures like faeries, Santa, and the like, as they tend to scare easily […]
notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-02 05:00 amRead In Receipt Of A Great Last Day
It's the evening of my very last shift ever. I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s shopping. I'm mere seconds away from asking "Would you like your receipt?", but she jumps in:
Customer: "You’re required by law to give a receipt!"
Me: "Yes, madam, I was literally about to ask if you'd like one."
icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-09-01 04:00 pmBack-to-school season has the cats feeling a little hissterical. After a whole summer of naps, snacks, and sunbeam studies, the idea of sitting in a classroom again is downright catastrophic. Who really wants to trade chasing feather toys for chasing deadlines, or batting at pencils for writing with them? Not these felines!
Every time the alarm clock rings, the cats pull the classic move: rolling over, tucking their tails, and pretending they didn't hear it. Homework? More like no-work. Pop quizzes? More like paws off, please. And don't even get them started on group projects. Cats work best solo, preferably from a windowsill throne.
Still, while the hoomans may be groaning about syllabi and schedules, the cats know one thing for sure: life lessons are better learned from a cozy nap, a good stretch, and a snack or two. School might be back, but these kitties are on an extended purrmanent vacation.
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notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-02 01:00 amRead Butt Seriously, Make Up Your Mind
Customer #1: "Pack of Marlboro."
Me: "Sure thing. Do you want Reds, Golds, Silvers, or Menthols?"
Customer #1: "Just Marlboro."
Me: "Okay… what type?"
Customer #1: *Getting irritated.* "Marlboro."
notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-02 12:00 amRead Failed Their Closing Arguments
Me: *Knocks on the glass.* "Excuse me? You’re still open, aren’t you? The sign on the door says till 9 PM."
Employee: *Comes over, folding arms.* "Nah, we’ve closed for the night."
Me: "Closed? But your sign says 9 PM."
I'm pointing at the hours posted on the door.
notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-01 11:00 pmRead Allergic To Common Sense, Part 33
Mom: "We need help, he’s having a reaction."
We hit the medical button immediately. Paramedics are called. Fortunately, they’ve got an EPI-Pen ready, and they’re calm. Clearly not their first rodeo.
In the middle of the commotion, I hear the older brother mutter:
Older Brother: "Well, duh, Mom’s allergic, I’m allergic, why wouldn’t he be?"
icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-09-01 03:00 pmLabor Day may be a holiday hoomans celebrate with rest, but for cats, it's simply another excuse to enjoy life to the fullest. For felines, every day could technically be a holiday, but Labor Day brings an extra dose of purrfection. The neighborhood is quieter, the vibes are calmer, and the world feels just a little more pawsome.
Some cats acknowledge the significance with a slow blink or a deliberate stretch, as if to say, "Ah, yes, even I respect the sanctity of a day off." Others simply lounge in their usual spots, radiating confidence that life is, indeed, best enjoyed at their pace.
Even the most independent kitties seem to vibe with the holiday energy, embracing the sheer joy of uninterrupted peace. Labor Day reminds humans that life's little breaks are just as important for their furry companions. For cats, it's a celebration of leisure, a toast to relaxation, and a reason to exude extra feline flair.
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icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-09-01 02:00 pmSir Mix-a-Lot didn't realize what he was starting with his 1992 hit song, "Baby Got Back." He made thiccness beautiful, instead of shameful. People and creatures of all shapes and sizes became accepted into the realm of the beautiful, in a way that has only continued in that direction. It's the era of anti-body shaming, and it's empowering for everyone involved. For extra thicc cats, the same sentiment goes. My adorable little king of a cat is also on the thiccer side, and no matter what anyone says, I'll love him forever. Never mind his big body, it's his heart and soul that matters.
Let's take a moment to appreciate the gorgeousness of gluttony. Dante's suffering sinners in Inferno lie face down in slush and filth to breathe in the excess everything they consumed while on earth, but our little angelic kitties don't suffer such punishments. Take that Dante! You may have gotten Medieval thinkers to get on board with your notions of sin and punishment, but you didn't get felines. Enjoy these hilarious and purrfect fat chonky cats.
notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-01 10:00 pmRead If The Building Collapses On Top Of You, You Can Be A Pop-Up!
Boss: "So, did you get a chance to talk to that designer I told you about?"
Me: "Yeah, I spoke to them. Honestly… I don’t think they’re the right fit."
Boss: "Why not? They’ve got a great portfolio."
Me: "Because the first thing they said when I showed them our shop was that the big concrete pillar in the corner was an 'eyesore' and should be removed."
Boss: "You mean… the support pillar?"
Read If The Building Collapses On Top Of You, You Can Be A Pop-Up!
notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-01 09:30 pmRead Curb Your Road Rage
Here comes the a**hole. Flies up on me so close, I can see his eyes as he loses his mind. It was like he was sitting in my back seat; he was that close. Flashing lights, actually blowing the horn, and I suspect cursing me to all kinds of eternal h***.
Read Curb Your Road Rage
notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-01 09:00 pmRead The Manager Has Dry Humor
Customer: "Where’s your alcohol!"
Me: "We actually don’t sell alcohol in this location, ma’am."
Customer: "What do you mean you don’t sell alcohol? This is America. Stores sell alcohol!"
notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-01 09:00 pm
Customer: "Can you open this and measure it for me? I need to make sure it fits my appliance."
Me: "Sure."
I slice the tape, pull out the part, and compare it with the measurements she’s brought.
Me: "Looks like it’ll fit perfectly."
Customer: "Brilliant. I’ll take one… just not that one. Get me a new, unopened box."
icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-09-01 12:00 pmYou never quite know what a cat is going to do to surprise you next. They seem to have infinite specialties of knowledge, and stupidity, but there is simply no way of telling what they will uncover to you next, nor when they will do so.
And this feline feature is very much present in today's story which tells the tale of a woman who is constantly awoken by her cat children, but not for any kind of legitimate reasons such as to eat, or at least it seems that way to begin with. What turns out to be true is that this lady's cat children were actually meowdical experts who had attended meowdical school for five years and had lots of practical experience to boot, and that their incessant midnight wake-up calls were not random but for a very important reason which they helped her realize. Sure, it took a long time to get to the conclusion, but feline doctors do not have thumbs to write with, and their English is not the best.
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notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-01 08:00 pmRead Allow Me To Be A Party Pooper
Coworker: *On the phone.* "Hello."
Boss: "Hey, [Coworker], it's [Boss]. [Other Coworker] called out today, so I was wondering if you'd be able to—"
Coworker: "They had the kids' party today, right?"
Boss: "That's right. Can you cover it?"
notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-09-01 07:00 pmRead St. George’s Crossed Wires
Me: "Afternoon, sir! Are you sure you’re in the right section?"
Spectator: *Already annoyed.* "YES, of course I am! Why does everyone keep asking me that?!"
Me: "It's just… you're about to go into a section that has a lot of the other side sitting there."
