whatever trifle takes my fancy. Read.
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notalwaysright_feed at 04:00am on 13/12/2025
Customer: "Oh no! He's been kidnapped, hasn't he!"
Manager: "Ma'am, can I confirm, he's five years old?"
Customer: "Yes!"
Manager: "Forgive me for asking, but does he like Pokémon?"
icanhascheezburger_feed at 07:00pm on 12/12/2025icanhascheezburger_feed at 06:00pm on 12/12/2025notalwaysright_feed at 02:00am on 13/12/2025Read Granola With An Abundance Of Moral Fiber
Customer: "Are you vegan?"
Me: "No, ma'am."
Customer: "Then I can't have you checking out my granola."
Me: "This granola is vegan, ma'am."
icanhascheezburger_feed at 05:00pm on 12/12/2025Fluffy cats feel like they were designed specifically to brighten even the dullest day. There's something magical about seeing a cat so puffed, so cloud-like, that they barely look real. These extra-floofy friends waddle around the house like little animated pillows, tails swishing with enough volume to qualify as weather patterns.
Some fluffy cats look like they're wearing oversized winter coats year-round, turning every nap into a luxury spa moment. Others do that slow, confident strut, fully aware their fur gives them main-character energy. And when they sit down and turn into perfect round loaves? Peak perfection. Even the way they blink feels softer.
Of course, fluff also means lots of grooming, unexpected puff explosions, and a constant layer of softness floating through the air, but it's worth it. There's nothing quite like burying your face in a warm, purring cloud after a long day. Fluffy cats don't just look cute; they radiate comfort. They're walking serotonin boosts, tiny emotional support marshmallows, and proof that the world is better with a little extra fuzz in it.
scalziwhatever_feed at 01:20am on 13/12/2025
About a decade ago there was some noise made about trying to figure out what day on the calendar Ferris Bueller’s Day Off took place. The day that was decided on by the nerds who think too much about this sort of thing was June 5, 1985. This was decided largely by the fact that the Cubs game Ferris, Cameron and Sloane were seen attending happened on that day, and apparently you can’t argue with the baseball schedule.
I can argue with the baseball schedule, and I will tell you that June 5, 1985 is not Ferris Bueller’s day off. For one thing, anyone who knows Midwest school schedules knows that by June 5th, all the kids are out of school. For another thing, asserting that the Cubs game, which our trio only attend, is definitive, when the Von Steuben Day parade, which Ferris actually inserts himself into, is disregarded, is nonsensical cherry picking of the highest order. The Von Steuben Day parade was as real as the Cubs game, and took place on September 28, 1985. If any real world day has to be picked, I would pick that one.
Except that one won’t work either. September 28, 1985 was a Saturday, for one, and it’s too early in the school year for Ferris’ hijinks, for another. We know Ferris has skipped school nine times by the time The Day Off rolls around, and missing nine days when school has been in for barely a month is a lot, even for Ferris. Ferris is a free spirit, not a chronic truant.
If one must pick a specific day — a questionable assertion, as I will relate momentarily — it would most likely be a day in late April, when Baseball is in season, the kids are not quite yet attuned to things like prom and graduation (and for the seniors, college), spring has sprung in the Chicagoland area, and Ferris would decide that that the day is too great to spend all cooped up in class.
But ultimately, trying to pin The Day Off to an actual calendar day is folly — and not only folly but absolutely antithetical to the point of The Day Off. The point of The Day Off is freedom and possibility, not to pin it down with facts and schedules. Facts and schedules are for classes! The Day Off doesn’t ask for any of that. It only asks: What will you do, if you can do whatever you want?
What Ferris wants is to have a day in Chicago with his best friend Cameron and girlfriend Sloane. Inconveniently that is a school day, and while Ferris has bucked the system before (nine times!), as he says to the camera — Ferris breaks the fourth wall more and better than anyone before or since, yes, even better than Deadpool, I said what I said — if he does it again after this, he’ll have to barf up a lung to make it stick. That being the case, The Day Off needs to be a day more than just hanging with friends. It has to be an event. Making it so will, among other things, require the “borrowing” of an expensive car, the chutzpah to brazen one’s way into a place that will serve you pancreas, the cunning to evade parents and school principals and, significantly, the ability to make your depressive best friend confront his own fears.
Oh, and, singing “Twist and Shout” in a parade. As you do.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off came out the summer before I was a senior in high school, which meant when I watched it I was very much oh, here’s a role model. Not for the skipping of school precisely; I went to a boarding school and lived in a dorm, skipping days was a rather more complicated affair than it would have been in a public school. But the anarchic style, the not taking school more seriously than it should be taken, the willingness to risk a little trouble for a little freedom — well, that appealed to me a lot.
Before you ask, no, I did not, become a True Acolyte of Ferris. I lived in the real world and wanted to get into college, and while at the time I could not personally articulate the fact that inherent in Ferris’ ability to flout the system was a frankly immense amount of privilege, I understood it well enough. Ferris gets his day off because he’s screenwriter/director John Hughes’ special boy. The rest of us don’t have that luck. Nevertheless, if one could not be Ferris all the time, would it still be wrong to have a Ferris moment or two, when the opportunity presented itself? I thought not. I had my small share of Ferris moments and didn’t regret them.
(I even got called “Ferris” once or twice! Not in high school, but in college, at The University of Chicago, where somewhat exceptionally among my peers at that famously intensive school, I didn’t grind or panic about my grades, I would actually leave campus to see concerts and plays and to visit a girl at Northwestern, and I got a job straight out of college reviewing movies for a newspaper, in the middle of a recession. I apparently made it all look easy, thus, “Ferris.” Spoiler: It wasn’t all easy, not by a long shot, the girl at Northwestern wanted to be just friends, and I got that job because I was willing to be paid less on a weekly basis than the newspaper paid its interns. I only achieved Ferris-osity if one didn’t look too closely.)
There has been the observation among Gen-Xers that you know you’re old when you stop identifying less with Ferris and more with Principal Rooney (this is also true when applied to the students of The Breakfast Club and Vice-Principal Vernon). I’ve never gotten to that point, but it’s surely true that Ferris becomes less of a character goal and more of a character study as one gets older. Ferris himself understands that he is living in a moment that’s not going to last: As he says in the movie, he and Cameron will soon graduate, they’ll go to separate colleges and that’s going to be that for them. Ferris’ trickster status is predicated in his being in a place and time where his (let’s face it mild) acts of transgression have little consequence. The penalties for him here are of the “I hope you know this will go down on your permanent record” sort, and even those are thwarted by Cameron letting him off the hook for property damage and a soror ex machina moment. Ferris knows it, which I think is why he takes advantage of it. After graduation, things get harder for everyone, even for privileged white boys from the north suburbs.
This might mean that Ferris eventually becomes one of those people who realizes he’s peaked in high school, and what an incredibly depressing realization that might be from him (Cameron, on the other hand, will not peak in high school; once he’s out of his dad’s house he’s going to thrive. Sloane is going to be just fine, too).
I do wonder, from time to time, what has become of Ferris. Many years ago I wrote about what I think happened to Holden Caufield of Catcher in the Rye; I said I expected he went into advertising, was good at selling things to “the youth” and became a mostly functional alcoholic. My expectations for Ferris are similar, although more charitable: He goes to Northwestern, is popular but not nearly at the same level (Northwestern has a lot of Ferris types at it), gets a job in marketing, does very well at it, marries someone who is not Sloane, moves back to his hometown when they have kids and when they get old enough to go to his high school, he bores them with his stories about his time there. The kids, it turns out, didn’t ditch. Ferris has grandkids now. He keeps in touch with Cameron and Sloane through Facebook. They’re fine. He’s fine. It’s all fine.
If it sounds like I’ve given Ferris an ordinary life, well, that’s kind of the point. Early on, I said the point of The Day Off was, what will you do, if you can do whatever you want? It turns out, for all his cleverness and antics and quoting of John Lennon, what Ferris wanted was actually pretty ordinary: To have a great day with his friends, while he still could have a great day with his friends. And, well: Who wouldn’t? Just because what he wants is ordinary doesn’t mean it isn’t good, or that it wasn’t a shining moment that all three of them will be glad all their lives that they got to have. Our lives are made of moments like these, where one day you get to do what you want with the people who matter to you, and you look around and you say to yourself, yes, this.
Most us don’t then mount a parade float and lipsync to a Beatles cover, true, and if we did we would probably get arrested. But this is why Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a fable, and why the actual date of The Day Off doesn’t matter. What matters, and why I come back to this movie, is the joy of a perfect day, with the people that will make it perfect. My Day Off isn’t this day off. But I’ve had one or two of them, and, hopefully, so have you.
— JS
notalwaysright_feed at 01:00am on 13/12/2025Read A Berry Unfortunate Mix-Up
Patient: "My name is [garbled name]."
Coworker: "Um ... you said Dingleberry? Okay, what's your date of birth?"
Patient: "January 1st, 1970. Wait, what did you say my last name is?"
icanhascheezburger_feed at 04:00pm on 12/12/2025When she was first adopted, this little queen wanted nothing to do with her new human. The energy was very much "do not perceive me," paired with "you may place my food on the floor and walk away." For a while, she ran the home like a tiny landlord while her hooman acted as the unpaid staff member who provided snacks, shelter, and quiet admiration from a distance.
Then, slowly but surely, everything shifted. Now she follows her person from room to room like a furry security guard on a mission. Bathroom privacy no longer exists. She kicks the door open with full confidence, as if checking that rent is being paid on time. And if her pawrent dares take too long to sit so she can nap on their chest, she voices her displeasure immediately and dramatically.
Watching her soften has been the sweetest part. The jump from aloof royalty to affectionate shadow shows just how much trust can change a cat's world. And somewhere along the way, her purrson realized it changed theirs too. Sometimes you don't know how much you needed a little cat until the moment she decides you're hers.
notalwaysright_feed at 12:00am on 13/12/2025Read When Nature Calls… Loudly… And In The Dining Room
Customer's Daughter: "Mom, I have to go to the bathroom! Mom!"
Mom doesn't seem to care, focusing instead on what she wants to eat. While staring at the menu, she said:
Customer: "Okay, okay."
icanhascheezburger_feed at 03:00pm on 12/12/20252025 -- what a year to be alive. What disaster didn't happen this year? But we're not alone in our desperate clinging to stability and lightheartedness. We all need a pip in our step to enter 2026 with the state of things, and that pip can be a wholesome and hissterical cat meme scroll of chaotic kitties simply creating mayhem. When they spill your glass of water for the 2nd time this week, there's no other reaction than to just laugh it off. From midnight zoomies to biting your nose when you pet them, cats give us comedy gold without even trying. As we wrap up our year in whatever rituals and ways we do, it's a purrfect opportunity to recognize our disasters with smiles by scrolling cat memes.
The best thing about cat memes is that they're not just silly, but they're so absolutely relatable! You can do it anytime, anywhere, and you never have to be afraid about someone looking over your shoulder to see who you're swiping, or what weird things you're googling or talking to ChatGPT about. Cat memes are a ubiquitous pleasure, so end the year with the same chaos we started it with, and don't be afraid to acknowledge the hooligan in all of us.
notalwaysright_feed at 11:00pm on 12/12/2025Read We Heard Of Fast Food, But This Is A New Level…
One typical Friday, we were tossing sandwiches to the drive-thru, unbeknownst to our manager, the drive-thru person had ducked away to look at something, and without looking, sort of absently chucked a turkey club over his shoulder.
icanhascheezburger_feed at 02:00pm on 12/12/2025The story here centers around a couple and a cat. The protagonist is a girl who's had some rough patches in her housing situation. She was separated from her cat for a bit while she was figuring out where to live. They finally found a place, and she starts dating someone. Her boyfriend starts to complain about the cat – about the fur everywhere, about how the cat likes to sit in the sink. The boyfriend threatens to leave his girlfriend over the cat, claiming that he wants her to consider her priorities. She cries, she begs him to stay and that he's breaking her heart.
As time goes on, the tables turn, and the boyfriend is the one who finds he loves the cat. Suddenly, he's into the cat, he wants to spend time with the cat, and he doesn't want to break up anymore. But something doesn't feel right for the girl. She ends up leaving him over the whole fiasco and deems him controlling. She moves out, and her and her cat get an apartment together. She takes her authority and power from him, and does what's the right thing for her, and claims she's never been happier.
notalwaysright_feed at 10:00pm on 12/12/2025Read One Expects A Quiet Savagery From Such Institutions
Customer: "I want a discount."
Manager: "I'm afraid that won't be possible. Prices are set by the design house."
Customer: "This jacket is £2,500, and you expect me to pay full price?!"
Manager: "Yes, madam."
icanhascheezburger_feed at 01:00pm on 12/12/2025For all the times that we find cats to be abrasive, arrogant and unkind, they know when it is time to show up and be a bro. Sometimes it is in the form of providing comfort in our deepest and darkest times of need, and other times, like in this story, it is literally saving our lives. It is a part of the extremely polar relationships that cats like to form, where there is little to no middle ground in any part of it.
Making the good sides of caring for a cat incredible and the bad sides insufferable. But because the good is just that important and meaningful, we happily overlook the bad and focus all our attention on the good that may or may not return one day. And when you come across stories like the one we have for you today, you will believe in the incredible good of cats no matter how felines have treated you in the past.
icanhascheezburger_feed at 12:00pm on 12/12/2025Ah, Friday. That sweet, sweet day when the workweek finally waves goodbye and we can all exhale… maybe with a cat purring somewhere on our lap, demanding attention with the subtlety of a tiny floofy dictator. There's nothing quite like a Friday with a feline friend nearby, soft paws tapping, whiskers twitching, and that unmistakable "I am adorable, give me treats" energy radiating strongly from every soft meow. It's like your own personal weekend hype squad, but with fur.
Cats have this magical way of turning even the most mundane moments into laugh-out-loud chaos. They can be snoozing like tiny loafs of purrfection, but then they're suddenly zooming around like little furry hurricanes, knocking over pens, tripping over cables, or somehow ending up in the weirdest places. You can't help but giggle (or maybe quietly groan) at their antics. Every paw and head bop is a reminder that life's better when sprinkled with cat chaos.
So as Friday brings us over into the weekend, what better way to celebrate than with a bunch of silly, wholesome feline fun? Sit back, maybe pour a cup of something warm, and let these cats do their thing. Because if there's ever a day to laugh at the adorable absurdity of life, it's Friday, and if there's ever a creature to lead that charge, it's definitely a cat.
notalwaysright_feed at 09:00pm on 12/12/2025Read Willfully Ignorant About Their Own Willful Ignorance
Me: "You might want to put him on the card-only register."
Supervisor: "Why? He's been trained on cash."
Me: "Yes, but he absolutely refuses to believe $2 bills are real. It doesn't matter how many times we've told him. The last time someone tried to pay using one and he called security."
notalwaysright_feed at 08:00pm on 12/12/2025Read A Nasty Case Of Selective Hearingitis, Part 3
Me: "…Ma’am, I never said—"
Customer: "—It was in our conversation. You said you would."
Me: "No. I said I would check availability. Not order. Not reserve. Not request."
Customer: "Well, that’s not what I heard."
Me: "I know. That’s the problem. You only seem to hear what you want to hear."
notalwaysright_feed at 08:00pm on 12/12/2025Read That’s A Lot Of Photo Finishes
Customer: "You will print some pictures of my grandson from my phone."
She isn't asking, she's telling.
Me: "I can set you up at one of our DIY stations and—"
Customer: "—no. I don't have time for that. I said you will do it."
icanhascheezburger_feed at 11:00am on 12/12/2025Some people believe in humanity. Some believe in a higher power. But we, at the I Can Has Cheezburger HQ? We wholeheartedly believe in the Cat Distribution System. The meowsterious force behind so many successful cat adoptions, working from behind the scenes of the world to match the cats in need to their hoomans - and the people in need of a cat to their forever felines. It's hard not to appreciate what the CDS does, despite no one actually knowing how it does what it does. Mysterious and adored - just like cats themselves.
In some cases of CDS matchmaking, it's the cat who insists on being adopted. Like in this particular adoption story - the cat was in need and yelled until a kind person took him in. Some people wait for literal years until the CDS sends them a fluffy feline friend. But others? Others just have a wholesome friend who saves a kitten from the woods and asks you to foster them… until you realise this kitten chose you to be their forever hooman, and your home to be their forever home. We love a foster fail, because it means a successful adoption.
But you know what we specifically appreciate about adoption stories like this one? The fact that this cat was all alone. No feline or human family in sight - this smol kitten didn't even know how to fend for himself. But he knew to ask for help from the right person. No cat deserves to be alone, and we're happy to know this kitten will never be alone again.
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